“No”, very close-ended yet I have known, it must be your best scorned word.
“No, I don’t like this.”
“I’m afraid not.”
“I guess it won’t work out, so no for now.”
NO. How’d you like hearing it? It seems that this very word paints a thousand pictures of senseless, dissatisfying rebuttals to almost every argumentative situation. Why does it stick on my thought and scare me as if I’m Atlas carrying the burdens of the planet? Why does it bring a cementing feeling of being static for one moment making you in complete desolation and dormancy?
“No” is your worst nightmare. It is my nightmare. When these two letters combine and produce a sound as one, it resembles a world defunct, demised and devastated. This stretches out into something we never imagined to foresee, reserved on very rare occasions where we can be of no choice but to mouth it out.
Why are we too frightened to be thrown back with such kind of precarious syllable? I have quite understood it lately when my three-year old cousin never tires to reply no in all instances. Usually I will wake up early in the morning with that as my alarm as she yells such despicable word whenever she’s invited to take a bite or something.
Nobody likes the word no, especially children and adolescents. “No” means disappointment, “no” means not getting what you desire, and that’s exasperating and disappointing for everyone. It is a powerful word, quick on the lips, easy to say.
I thought back that time when you were with me. I just came back from somewhere after months of hibernation. We were enjoying the night cruising together our dreams at the same sea, typical moment where we press those pads waiting for our phones to illuminate back with your name after a reply from the other. And somewhere in the midst of the usual sweet texts, I stumbled from my seat to where I was, not expecting what that was becoming.
“Yeah, I care for you dearly and value you, but I guess..” and as the clear words played kaleidoscopically in front of me, it paralyzes me, “…No… I don’t love you anymore.”
For one second it paralyzes you, and then another and so on. It paralyzes you from those dreams you’ve built together with someone, from promises that you can’t keep and relationships you think and would want to end. This two-letter word gradually cripples your veins that carry the deoxygenated blood from your body going back to your heart making you frail enough to struggle for your life. You slowly hunger for air as inch by inch that word blocks your brain’s respiratory centers, squeezing you tightly to losing your breath until you become despondent. That crippling moment collapses your entirety and assures significant echoes of rejection, resounding and reverberating to every corner of your ears. Yes, it’s all because of this…NO.
Sometimes, I patiently waited for a response. Desperate, I constantly never surrendered in making pleas asking for second chances which could be possible any moment then. With images of your smiles and laughter along with the memories we’ve created, I filled my mind with bliss to divert the pessimism it generates. I carefully waited for that single beep, but it still implies that “NO” conquered the scenes. Everything that entails saying the word connotes disappointment, a ravaging imminent rejection that can hardly be opposed. Once you said it, it ends the world.. your world.. our world.
“Would you like to go out or something?”
“No” is like an ends without the means in times when you ask questions like this. In other words, telling it places you in the oceans of disempowerment, confusion, and fear without any rational and respectful explanation. Oftentimes it may mean TO STOP, but that’s only to impede any forthcoming perplexity somehow. More likely it will always bring you to a halt in all issues, a lifeless signal that reminds you not to add up some more. It must be understood as it is said because usually it doesn’t come along with further reasons. It is profound, direct and undisputed. And to quote again, it coasts you to a world defunct, demised and devastated.
Your nightmare might have saved you from deep sleep.
Mine geared me to a complete comatose, paralysis.
Now what is it about ‘NO’ why I despise it the most? Maybe it is the depiction of reality that it can be modified no more. Maybe it’s about the culmination of those foreseen visions where you suppose to paint colorful dreams especially with the one closest to your heart.
Or worst, just maybe, it‘s about something absconded that will never be yours again.
Oh no! <facepalm>